Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
