Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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