if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
