I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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