why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
