wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
