Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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