dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
