i was born a porn star she said
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
