Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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