the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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