Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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