Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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