I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
