It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
