the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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