So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize