Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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