sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
