It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
