You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
