I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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