I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
