he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
