is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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