she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
