what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
