Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize