I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
