1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
