consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
