State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
