he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
