I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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