If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
