Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
