Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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