Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize