We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
