I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
