it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
