I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
