She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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