My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
