real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
