If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize