Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
