So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sober January is a disaster.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
