you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
