Who wears a wallet chain?!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
