ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
