your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
