I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
