i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
