I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
