it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize