I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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