i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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