I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
