I hate your face
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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