if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
