I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
