I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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