What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
