I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
