I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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