i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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