i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
