booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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