Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
