We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
