Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I lost the right to judge tonight
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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