I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
