Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize