"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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