I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize