I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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