Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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