It's Friday. Sex?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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