whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
