I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I need moral support for this bender
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize