someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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