I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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