Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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