i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
