Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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