i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
