I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
