Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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