The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
