Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
