i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
