Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
