I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
