I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
