Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
