I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
And then he peed in my hair
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