A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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