you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Vodka?
Forever.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
