Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
