I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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