I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
