is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
