so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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