Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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