Say something about gay babies.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
