i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The best revenge is premature balding
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
