In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
