From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
