it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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