so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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